Think Your Relationship is Doomed? Then it probably is

What if it this relationship doesn't work out? What if this is not the right person for me? If these "what ifs" sound familiar, it's time to start thinking positively about your relationship; the more you worry about breaking up with your partner, the more likely it is to happen.

Some people are natural-born worriers. They often lie awake at night, troubled by thoughts of situations that are usually out of their control.

This isn't always a bad thing; the tendency to think of the worst-case scenario means some people are usually prepared, should the worst happen. I like to think of it as "positive pessimism."

But when it comes to romantic relationships, the pessimistic nature has often yielded negative outcomes. 

Some people are full of "what ifs," and I'm pretty sure these negative thoughts have helped along the demise of some previous relationships.

So, I was interested to read the results of a new study, which appear to confirm my theory: worrying about your relationship ending will probably lead to a breakup.

Breakup risk, commitment, and romance

The research included 104 individuals who were in a romantic relationship, all of whom disclosed basic information about their feelings toward their partners and the overall state of their relationships.

Participants were then subjected to various manipulation techniques, such as the presentation of statistics or false information about how likely it is that their relationship will end.

The study — recently published in the journal Motivation and Emotion — was conducted by Simona Sciara and Giuseppe Pantaleo, of the Vita-Salute San Raffaele University in Milano, Italy.

The aim of these techniques was to influence participants' perceptions about the likelihood of them breaking up with their partner. For example, telling subjects that around 80 percent of relationships fail might plant seeds of doubt about their own relationship.

Next, the researchers asked the participants about their romantic feelings toward their partners and their commitment to the relationship.

Subjects who were told that there was no chance of their relationship ending expressed more intense commitment and greater feelings of romance toward their partners, while those who were told there was a moderate chance of their relationship ceasing showed greater commitment.

On the other hand, participants who felt there was a high likelihood that their relationship would end demonstrated a significant slump in feelings of romance and commitment toward their partners.

This shows that, when faced with a 'too high' risk of ending the relationship, participants clearly reduced the intensity of their positive feelings towards the romantic partner..

This has a knock-on effect, increasing the likelihood of a relationship breakup.

"Reduced relationship commitment, for instance, leads to dissolution considerations and, thereby, to actual relationship breakup. Relationship breakup, in turn, plays a critical role in the onset of depression, psychological distress, and reduced life satisfaction."